The Innocent Acts
by Skybot4
Summary: Sometimes Roach, Allen, and Ramirez can act cute without even knowing it. Contains Gay, don't read if you don't like Set in different times.


Type: Modern Warfare 2  
Title: The Innocent Acts"  
Genre: Humor/Romance  
Main Character(s): Gary "Roach" Sanderson, Joseph Allen, and James Ramirez  
Rating: T

**Cold (Cliffhanger) - Roach**

Roach had to admit, he knew that Russia was cold, but not cold enough that it would be BELOW ZERO. The closest he had come to cold was when he came to visit his friend in New York during winter break. So he just hugged himself to death when they walked.

He looked at his Captain, "Captain Mactavish?"

Mactavish looked to his left, "What is it, Roach?"

Roach sniffed only to feel frozen boogers inside his nose, "Aren't you cold?

His Captain took a moment and looked back forward, "No, not really. It's cold but it doesn't bother me."

Roach pondered at the thought if his Captain was warm in his gear. _I bet he's really warm right now_, Roach thought as he held out his arms. Mactavish jerked into a stop when he felt a pair of arms holding his torso. He was about to grab his gun until Roach made a surprising noise, "Mmmmm…"

Mactavish stared blankly with his hand holding onto one of Roach's arms around him. He finally realized what was happening and cleared his throat, "Roach?"

Roach nuzzled his head into his Captain's back as he spoke, "Mmmm?"

"What are you doing?"

Roach's eyes opened with realization. He let go of his Captain and stepped back, with his face blushing red, he raised his hands in defense. "S-sorry! I didn't m-mean to! I was cold and, and you looked r-really warm and m-my sister said s-something about body heat and…"

Roach froze in shock as his Captain wrapped his arms around him. Mactavish chuckled, "I told you it would be cold before we left"

Roach looked down in shame, "Sorry, I didn't know it would be this cold…"

"Next time listen to what I say, Roach. Also, tell me when you need another Scottish hug to warm you up." Mactavish said with amused grin.

Roach blushed, "That's not funny." But he smiled anyway much to his Captain's liking.

**Popsicles (Pre-game) – Roach**

Roach was super excited when he found out that his parents sent him popsicles yesterday. He had put them in the kitchen freezer right away and left a post-it note on it that said it was his. After sleeping in his bunk with a grin on his face, he woke early with everyone else and got ready.

Before he could eat his beloved popsicles he and the others had to do their daily training with Ghost as their supervisor. Captain Mactavish usually had other things to do, but he decided to join them in their training. 'Checking to see how much you all improved', he had said. Of course, Roach could've eaten the popsicles at breakfast but instead he chose to eat it at lunch, that way all of his hard work in training paid off.

Lunch came and Roach sat next to Meat and Royce with his box of popsicles. They both gave a questioning look. Roach noticed and smiled, "Parents sent me popsicles. Want some?" Meat shrugged and took one form the box.

Royce looked at Roach, "Got any grape?"

Meat replied with a teasing look, "Man, don't be picky! Roach is giving us popsicles for free!" Royce glared at his friend as Roach dug around for a grape flavored Popsicle and to his success, he found one. He handed it to Royce who nodded with thanks.

Roach looked in the box and found an orange one. He grinned with happiness and opened the plastic covering of the Popsicle. Before Roach put the Popsicle in his mouth, Meat noticed Ghost staring at them and the Captain glancing once in awhile in their direction.

Roach finally put the Popsicle in his mouth and let out a content sigh. Royce looked up from his food and widened his eyes as he watched Roach eat his orange Popsicle. Meat snickered and covered his mouth so Roach wouldn't hear him.

Roach continued eating the Popsicle, sucking and licking while making content noises with his eyes closed. Oblivious to the stares he was getting and the sudden silence in the room.

He snapped out of his enjoyment of his beloved Popsicle when Royce cleared his throat, "Um, Roach?" Roach stopped and opened his eyes with his tongue at the tip of the Popsicle. He saw Royce blushing with his mouth in a frown.

Roach replied with his tongue still at the tip, "Yeth, Roythe?" (Yes, Royce?)

Royce blushed with a deeper shade of red, "Uh, y-you're… Um. It's just that you're…"

Meat interrupted, "You're eating that popsicle like girl!"

Roach tilted his head in questioning and stuck the Popsicle in his mouth, "What do you mean?" Just then he noticed everyone's stare, including his Captain's and Ghost's. Ghost had a creepy grin on his face, but his Captain was blushing with a look of shock. Meat took the Popsicle from Roach's mouth, to which Roach yelled with a whining voice, "Hey!"

Meat laughed, "Dude, you're givin' this popsicle a blowjob!"

Roach stared and everyone in the room looked at Meat with wide eyes. Roach just looked at Meat with confusion and said with a serious tone, "What the heck is a blowjob?"

He heard Ghost make a choking sound and looked in his direction. Ghost was coughing hard, probably because he had been drinking coke at the time, while Captain Mactavish had blushed a deep shade of red when Roach made eye contact with him.

Roach furrowed his brows in deep confusion while Meat laughed. Meat turned Roach's head to his direction, "Roach, it's…"

Royce interrupted before Meat could finish the sentence, "Meat, don't tell him!"

"But he DESERVES to know what he's been doing!"

"Just let Roach be his innocent self."

Just then, Ghost walked over to their table and sat next to Roach. Meat and Royce looked at him while Roach smiled, "Hi Ghost!" Royce saw an evil intent when he looked at Ghost's eyes behind the sunglasses.

Ghost lifted his own left pointer finger up and held Roach's jaw with his right, "Say 'ah'."

Roach did as he was told, "Ahhh..?"

"No, make your mouth wider."

Roach opened his mouth wide, "Ahhhhh-HHRRRPHHH!" Ghost had jammed his finger in Roach's mouth. "W-wha aay oo ooin'?" (What are you doing?)

Ghost gave a creepy grin, "Just checking. How's my finger taste like?"

Roach closed his mouth and looked at Ghost with confusion. He realized that Ghost's finger tasted like chocolate, "Mmmmmm!" He held Ghost's hand and began sucking on the chocolate covered finger that belonged to Ghost. Meat fell over and laughed his heart out while everyone in the room tensed.

Royce panicked and looked at his disbelieved Captain, "C-captain Mactavish! Make Ghost stop!"

Mactavish finally got out of shock and got up. He ran to their table and jumped to tackle Ghost. Roach opened his eyes and licked his lips, "Mmm! Chocolate!"

Mactavish lifted Ghost up and shook him, "What are you thinking?"

Ghost looked on at Roach with a wistful look, "Bloody hell, I wish he was a girl."

Roach picked up his Popsicle and continued eating it. Meat slapped him on the back, "Roach, I think you just gave everyone here a boner."

"… What's a boner?"

Everyone went into hysterics.

**Whose is Bigger (Pre-game) – Allen and Ramirez**

Allen and Ramirez waved at Dunn as they approached him, "Dunn! We've got a question!"

Dunn lazily turned in their direction, "What?"

Allen gave a serious look, "Whose is bigger?"

Dunn stared at them blankly with wide eyes, "Wait, what?"

Ramirez chirped in, "Allen and me were in the quarters and were bored. So we started fighting about whose was bigger."

Dunn stayed silent with his mouth slightly open. Allen huffed and crossed his arms, "Still think that mine is bigger, man."

Ramirez punched him in the arm with an amused grin, "No way, dude! Mine is totally bigger!"

Dunn just stared on as the two continued to argue about whose was bigger. He noticed that other soldiers stopped to hear the argument with shocked looks. Dunn looked at the two and made it his goal to stop their talking so others didn't think they were queers, "H-how the heck would I know, man! I've never even seen your guys'!"

Allen and Ramirez looked at him in confusion. Allen spoke first, "What're you talking about, you've seen it!"

Ramirez replied with a nod, "Yeah dude, you've seen ours lots of times!"

People around them gasped. Dunn blushed and yelled, "Listen, I've never seen you're guys' dicks! So don't ask me, alright?" Allen and Ramirez stayed silent and stared. Then they laughed. Dunn grew irritated, "What the hell is so funny?"

Ramirez wiped a tear from his eye and laughed a little, "We… We were talking about our guns!"

Dunn's mouth dropped, "WHAT."

Allen laughed and smacked Dunn on the arm, "Man, you're such a queer!"

The people around them blushed and thought they too were 'queers'.

**Eyes (Pre 'No Russian') – Allen/Alexei Borodin**

Allen had blue eyes. He had blue eyes and he also had blonde hair. So he was shocked to see Makarov have blue AND green eyes. He thought Makarov's eyes were pretty and it was hard to believe he was a terrorist, until he saw his intense glare.

Allen had caught himself plenty of times staring at Makarov's eyes. Lev had noticed one time and Allen convinced him that he was just staring at the painting that was behind Makarov. But Anatoly also took notice but stayed silent, and Allen was grateful for that.

But that night Anatoly went into Allen's room and knocked, "Borodin?"

Allen looked up from his laptop and opened the door for Anatoly, "Ah, Anatoly. Hi."

Anatoly smiled softly, "May I come in?"

Allen looked in the hallway to check if Lev or Krill were going to eavesdrop, "Yeah, sure." He let Anatoly come inside and quietly closed the door behind him.

Anatoly sat down on the bed as Allen went back to the laptop. Anatoly put his hands together and fiddled with his thumbs, "Borodin, I must ask you some questions."

'Borodin' stopped typing and turned around, "What's up?"

Anatoly looked up from his hands and looked at Allen, "Why do you stare at Makarov so much?"

Allen frowned and ran his hand through his hair as he thought, _Should I tell him?_ Anatoly cleared his throat for attention. Allen shifted his eyes back to him and spoke with a shy smile, "… He has cool eyes."

Anatoly stared at Allen. Then he chuckled lightly, "Is that so? His Heterochromatic Iridium eyes have caught your attention?"

Allen tilted his head, "Huh?"

Anatoly smiled, "It's a disease."

Allen gasped, "Is he gonna die?" Allen himself didn't know why he gasped for a terrorist, but he did.

Anatoly laughed, "No, no. It is not that kind of disease. It just affects his eye color that is why his eyes are different colors. It is a rare disease actually."

Allen put his hand on his chin on thought and replied, "Oh okay."

Anatoly pushed himself up and headed for the door, "My business is done here. Why don't you catch some sleep Borodin?"

Allen closed his eyes, "Will do, Anatoly."

Anatoly closed the door and walked down the hallway until he was pulled to the side. Anatoly's eyes widened with the sudden movement but relaxed when he saw it was just his friend, "Makarov, how are you?"

Makarov had the same angry look but spoke with a gentle voice, "Fine. What did he say?"

Anatoly chuckled, "He said he thinks your eyes are very 'cool'." Makarov's features softened. "He seems like a schoolboy to me. Are you sure you want to take him on this airport mission?"

Makarov gave a look of regret and frowned, "He… is important to this mission."

Anatoly nodded with agreement, "I guess that is so, I mean who will cover Lev if he is not there?"

Makarov ignored the last comment and walked away, leaving Anatoly to himself. Makarov went into his bedroom and closed the door, slowly leaning onto it. He put his hand onto his face and muttered, "Shepherd, why did you send me this boy? Couldn't it have been someone else..?"

**Teach Me How to Jerk (Wolverines!) – Ramirez**

Ramirez had made headshot. He didn't know why but he just suddenly had the urge to dance. But he couldn't dance without music, but luckily he had found a stereo in the back of 'Nate's'. To Ramirez's luck he found a stack of CD's in the back and chose one that had his dancing song in it.

And that was 'Teach Me How to Jerk' by Audio Push.

He inserted the CD and was about to press play when Sgt. Foley called, "Ramirez! Take the sentry gun and put it outside!"

Ramirez sighed, "Why do I have to do everything?" He picked up the stereo and the sentry gun outside. He put the sentry gun down first and the stereo second. He pressed play on the stereo as the sentry gun took down some Russians.

He grinned, "Aw yeah!" He started dancing to the music, and once the vocals came up he started jerking. Putting his arms up and shaking his butt ignoring the bullets and loud sounds. He turned the stereo up.

The Russians hid in cover and stared at Ramirez as he danced. Ramirez's comrades stopped shooting and watched. Dunn noticed and yelled, "Yo, keep firing!" But then he saw what they were staring at, Ramirez jerking.

Sgt. Foley looked at Ramirez with disbelief. And into more disbelief when Ramirez started doing the 'Reject' when the music told him to. Ramirez grinned and sang along, "Down digga down down. Down digga down down."

Ramirez looked at Dunn, "Dunn, c'mon! Jerk with me, man!" Dunn stared but gave a shrug and walked toward Ramirez. Ramirez questioned him, "You know how to jerk?" Dunn shook his head. Ramirez grinned and replayed the song, "Alright then. I'm gonna teach you how to jerk." The Russians watched and so did the Army Rangers. They too wanted to learn how to jerk.

"Alright, here we go." Ramirez moved his legs around and put his hands all over himself. "Got that?"

Dunn tried, "Hey, I think I'm doin' it!" Ramirez gave him a thumb's up.

"Alright, now the 'Reject'. It's like walking backwards!" He did a demonstration and Dunn did his best to follow. He failed. Ramirez laughed, "Keep working on it." Out of the corner of his eye he noticed the Russians jerking and doing the 'Reject'. He turned to his comrades and they too were trying to do the dance.

Ramirez laughed at their attempts.

**Comfortable (Pre-game) – Roach**

It was a long and hard day. Captain Mactavish, Royce, and he had to rescue some hostages that were taken by terrorists. On top of that, he had slipped by accident and fell on his butt.

So now he really needed to sit down, badly. Roach planed to sit down right away into a comfy chair once they went back into their base. But there was a problem, most of the comfy chairs were all taken by his teammates.

He had to sit down, fast. So he fast walked to the barracks and chose the closest bed and sat down, thinking that bed was comfortable. In fact, the bed was so comfortable he decided to lie down.

Roach lied down and hugged the big pillow covered in a blanket. But somehow the big pillow moved a bit, as if it were ALIVE. Roach didn't let go but he stared at the pillow with fear as it seemed to turn around.

But then he saw Ghost's masked head pop out of the blanket, staring at Roach with no emotion.

Roach was surprised and looked at Ghost's eyes with raised eyebrows, "Hi Ghost." Ghost just stared at Roach with a tired look. Roach let go of Ghost and turned to get off, "I'll just go into my bed then…" Once Roach stood up the back of his shirt was pulled backward and he lay on the bed again, sideways. Roach stared dumbly at the wall when he felt arms around him and a head resting on top of his bed.

Ghost nuzzled his chin into Roach's head and it tickled, "Go to sleep, Roach."

Roach put his hands on Ghost's arms and pouted, "Captain isn't going to like this…"

Ghost chuckled, "I could care less right now…"

**Ticklish (After Team Player) – Allen**

"Alright, you ready to do this?"

Allen looked at the tattoo artist with worry. His mother had said that tattoos were permanent and was really painful. Plus, he had always hated needles, especially long ones that were going to scrape at your skin.

Allen took a deep breath and took off his shirt, "Yeah…"

The tattoo artist smirked teasingly, "Hey, I'm sure getting shot by bullets is worse than needles."

He gave a small chuckle, "I guess so."

"By the way, name's Jack."

"Allen."

Jack put on gloves, "Okay Allen this is gonna hurt like a bitch, but you gotta do what you gotta do."

Allen pouted as Jack took out the needle and started the machine. _Bullets are worse, bullets are worse, BULLETS ARE WORSE_, Allen though repeatedly. Allen forced his eyes shut as the needle hovered about his chest.

But then he giggled.

Allen opened his eyes and grabbed Jack's wrist, "D-dude, that tickles!"

Jack looked at him with confusion and took the needle off of Allen, "What?"

Allen pointed at the needle, "That freaking TICKLES, man!" Jack looked at Allen then at the needle, then back to Allen. Jack put the needle over Allen. Allen laughed and slapped Jack's hand away, "I said it tickles! Stop it!"

"… The fuck?"

Allen covered his mouth with his hands to stop giggling, "Y-you said it w-was supposed to hurt!"

Jack gave Allen a 'you're crazy' look, "It is! The fuck you're laughing about is beyond me!"

Allen rolled over and accidently fell off the chair still laughing.

**Spiders (Pre-game) – Ramirez**

Allen had found a spider, a BIG one at that. He decided to go and recruit back to his squad, with the spider in an empty plastic container.

And he knew that Ramirez was afraid of spiders.

"HOLY FUCK SHIT MOTHERFUCKING AAAAAHHHH!"

Just the reaction he wanted.

Ramirez had jumped into Dunn's arms, "ALLEN, WHAT THE HELL? GET THAT THING OUTTA HERE, MAN!"

Allen laughed, "Aw, Ramirez is scared of bugs?"

Ramirez glared, "No, just SPIDERS. And that spider is FUCKING HUGE."

Dunn scowled at Ramirez, "If you don't let go of me, I'm gonna drop you."

Ramirez released Dunn and ran to a corner, "Allen, if you don't get that spid- AAAHHH!" Ramirez slid down on his back as Allen held the plastic container closer to him.

Allen grinned, "You're not scared of war, bur you're scared of spiders? Something's wrong with you, man."

Dunn took the spider from Allen's hand and held it, "Don't get what you're so afraid of, Ramirez."

Ramirez stood back up, "That bitch is fucking SCARY, CREEPY, and for all I know it could be POISONOUS!"

All of a sudden the spider jumped. It jumped high into the air.

It landed on Ramirez's shirt.

Ramirez has never screamed that high nor cried that long his entire life.


End file.
